The Mother's Gift of Fallibility

Second to love, the most common emotion expressed by mothers is guilt.

The way I see it, the invisible switch labeled ‘guilt’ sitting right above the heart space is switched on from the time we have our first child, and perhaps for some it is even before they are born.

sunligh mother child
Guilt - a mother's companion. Image by Matt Hoffman on Unsplash

We can hold guilt for so many reasons. It often starts with the type of labor we choose/have; whether we breastfeed or bottle feed; co-sleep or solo-sleep; too involved or not involved enough; not having enough time; for not giving each child enough attention or too much attention; for not creating better boundaries or too many boundaries; for passing on ancestral trauma or for parenting in a polar direction that came with its own limitations; the types of foods we feed our children; the content we allow; the activities they participate in or don't participate in; and on it goes.

Our children are unique souls, just as we are, here to have a physical experience to learn for themselves as well as from their relationships with others, to grow, contribute to mass consciousness, and to evolve. When we understand this, how does the emotion of guilt serve?

So can it be switched off? And should it?

I believe so. When we understand the purpose it serves there is no wound we cannot heal.

Guilt is one of the ‘thief’ emotions. It is wielded by the Ego, which keeps us focused on a time past. To reframe, there are a few essential factors to consider:

Metaphysically –

Our children choose us for the experiences we will provide – the beneficial as well as the wounds. We can’t ‘save them’, nor should we for that would be interfering with their soul plan.

We have each agreed to certain experiences that will re-awaken our wounds so we may heal them and the people in our lives are here to help us achieve this. Whether we allow this process or not, the Higher Self will repeatedly bring them the experiences they - and we - need and our 'interference' will escalate this. Remember they (and we) develop important strengths from our experiences. Trust that the most difficult experiences are potentially bringing forth the greatest strengths.

Emotionally –

Guilt is related to judgement, shame and embarrassment, and can be based on a self-sabotaging belief pattern that we deserve to be punished. Soul destroying stuff.

Physically –

Over time, unaddressed guilt eats aways at the body using symptoms such as hip problems, migraines, weight, insomnia, hernia, sinus and heart problems to alert us to what we are doing to ourselves.

Logically –

The time is past! How does keeping ourselves focused on something that has already occurred? If there needs to be something said or done to address something hurtful, say it! Do it! Then remember that we cannot control how someone responds to our messages, that is their path.

So, can we forgive ourselves?

Can we forgive ourselves for creating a life plan where we needed to learn self-forgiveness? Forgiveness for our actions as a human; forgiveness for others for creating the wounds we needed to evolve; forgiveness of ourselves for orchestrating the pain that would hopefully create awareness and change? (Oh my goodness, I have just had a ‘penny drop’ moment.)

Mother and Child
To err is human; to forgive is Divine. Ancient proverb. Image by Europeana on Unsplash

Not forgiving just doesn’t make sense.

I forgive you, and most of all I forgive me. And so it is.

Yet some will say they cannot forgive themselves. That to hold onto the guilt is a reminder of what they did wrong and a way to remind themselves not to do it again. Or that they simply don't deserve to be forgiven for what they did. Each of these are unhealed trauma patterns. Please recognise them for what they are, move beyond them or find help to move beyond them. We truly are having experiences we have co-created to help ourselves learn, grow and evolve. When we 'miss the point' or the lesson by getting so caught up in Egoic thinking, we get to experience something similar in another lifetime. There is no judgement in this, only an invitation when we are ready.

How do we release guilt from our body?

The first clue is always to notice where we feel guilt and associated emotions. Emotions are only part of our guidance system, so don’t be afraid to feel them. When we resist feelings we are only locking whatever it is we are trying to avoid deeper into the body.

  • Take a deep breath, and notice.

  • Breathe again and allow. Let the feeling roll through the body and out. Breathe regularly and see the emotions of guilt transmuting into light, into love and being returned to Source healed.

  • Take action. Speak to the person, write them a letter (maybe it doesn’t need to be sent – trust your gut), or journal.

  • Repeat steps until guilt switch is turned 'off' and dissolved.

One of the most beautiful gifts we can give our children is the example of change, being fallible, and learning to love ourselves. Humans learn by listening some of the time, but we mostly learn by seeing and experiencing.

Woman and child in wheat
How can our children learn to accept fallibility if we never show it? Image by Sharon Carr on Unsplash

**If you need support to release guilt or sabotage patterns interfering with releasing, make an appointment or see someone who can guide you through this. Life is too short to rob ourselves of self-acceptance.

From this moment on, who am I to judge myself and, condemn myself, when what I did was what I knew how to do given the conditions of my life at that time? I accept myself now.

(Adapted from Wayne Dyer)

Love and infinite blessings

Michelle Cowles

Kinesiologist/Energy Therapist/QHHT® Practitioner

Lakeside Kinesiology & Energy Therapies © 2022

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