When Others Rule our Emotions

We all have ‘stuff’.

How we manage it defines our emotional and mental well-being.

Is life an emotional rollercoaster?

Is this scenario familiar?

Something stressful happens at home, work or socially. It can be something someone says, a look, an action or a social media comment and we are triggered into feelings of anger, guilt, worry, depression and anxiety. Overwhelmed by the power of our emotions, many of us are pitched into the ‘could have, should have’ cycle as we replay events, reliving details to re-examine words, expressions and actions.


Living life in a past moment effectively stops us from enjoying this moment, right here, right now.

Finally, after much nit-picking and soul searching, we pick ourselves up only to be brought down by someone else's words or actions yet again.

How exhausting!

Here’s the good news!

We can choose to let negativity from the past go and learn to enjoy the moment! When we understand our ego likes to find blame rather than owning our behaviours we can begin to unlearn the bad habit of blaming others and reset our way of being. Remember, our ego does not like to be wrong and in a way, blame becomes a coping mechanism. The way we think is built up over time, creating habitual responses that chain us to our negative emotions.

Notice triggers and reactions

The first way we can approach change is to make what we are doing conscious. That means we need to take notice of our thoughts around negative emotions such as anger, guilt, worry, etc. It could look like this:

  • He makes me furious when…

  • My sister makes me feel guilty when…

  • She makes me sad when…

  • My friend makes me worried when she…

Then we actively change the dialogue.

To do this we learn to take responsibility for how we feel and recognise that when we don’t, we prolong our negative emotional state. Personal responsibility looks like this:

  • I allow myself to feel furious when...

  • I allow myself to feel guilty when he...

  • I make myself sick in the stomach when...

  • I make myself sad when...

Through examination, we begin to understand our choice. We choose the internal statement we make in any given situation.

  • I choose to furious when he…

  • I choose to feel guilty when my sister…

  • I choose to feel upset when…

  • I choose to make myself sad when…

Man contemplating two paths
Today I choose...

Reinforce our positive choices

Finally, to build positive emotional health using self-responsibility we need to reinforce our capability for change. We have the choice of attitude no matter what the situation. Finish the cycle of acknowledgement and choice with a choice statement:

While I chose to feel … about this situation in the past, today I choose to feel…

Then repeat as needed.

New habits

Habits aren’t broken and recreated in a day. Sometimes awareness is all we need to change our thoughts and improve our well-being. We need to be kind to ourselves. If at first we don’t succeed, continue to practice. Old habits, however, can be difficult to change and we may need support if we find ourselves self-sabotaging. We may also just want support to speed up the process.

How can kinesiology help?

Using kinesiology, we can rewrite old patterns that no longer serve – the key is the desire for change.

If you desire lasting change and this resonates, I’d love to work with you!

Best wishes


Lakeside Kinesiology

woman embracing nature
Positive choices

#positivechoices #wellbeing #kinesiology #lakesidekinesiology #belmont #newcastle #change #emotionalrollercoaster #habits #stuck #todayichoose

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